Often we view our child’s bad behaviour and assume that they are the problem. "If only they are…How I wish if he could…Why can’t my child be…”
Well, here’s good news; your child is not the problem.
In fact, below the surface, their actions are perfectly normal. And YES, this includes their current bad behaviours too…
Your child’s bad behaviour is normal…Why? Because they are merely reacting to a learned negative belief.
You see, the formative years of a child are full of new experiences. And each experience brings with it a belief that is "yet to be formed".
Each time the child encounters the same experience, this belief will either reinforce or weaken. Like a see-saw, swinging from one side to the other, gradually forming the child’s belief.
Over time, the belief is formed...
Their evaluation is complete. Once formed, a belief rarely changes.
From this point on, this belief will dictate the child’s behaviour whenever they encounter any similar experiences.
So...if this belief is positive, the child's behaviours will be good. If this belief is negative, their corresponding behaviours will be bad.
That’s how our minds work. Experience leads to belief, and belief dictates behaviours. Good belief, good behaviour. Bad belief, bad behaviour.
Let’s look at a few examples...
Case One
7-year-old boy who gets aggressive at home with siblings and relative.
Experience: Name-calling and bullying by classmates in school.
Belief: Being mean, aggressive and calling names is okay.
Behaviour: Gets physical when he is upset with others. Pinch, push, throws things and shout at others.
Case Two
10-year-old boy always on the phone playing mobile games.
Experience: Poor social interaction in school, CCA and tuition centre. Lonely.
Belief: Using my phone is safe and more predictable that social interaction with others.
Behaviour: Extremely quiet and shy. Avoids interaction. Don’t want to go out. No interest in studies.
Case Three
12-year-old girl who cut herself on the wrist.
Experience: Classmates passing negative comments about her weight in class.
Belief: I am ugly. No one will love me.
Behaviour: Not eating. Cutting herself. Stays in her room all the time. Refuse to engage in any kind of activities.
How to change bad behaviour?
By changing BELIEF. If you could only liberate your child from these learned negative belief inside their minds, then you could achieve long term change for your child.
Change the BELIEF, change the behaviour. Replace bad ones with good ones. Swap negative ones with positive ones. That’s how we induce change and make it stick.
At MindfulBear our innovative 4A method identifies your child's learned negative belief and replaced them with positive ones. Learn more here >>