To parents who think they have a naughty child
Often we view our child’s bad behaviour and assume that they are the problem. "If only they are…How I wish if he could…Why can’t my child be…”
Well, here’s good news; your child is not the problem.
In fact, below the surface, their actions are perfectly normal. And YES, this includes their current bad behaviours too…
Hi, my name is Sze Siong.
I am the chief therapist here at MindfulBear. And I have dedicated the past 9 years to help children and teens. As an educator, as a certified MOE school counsellor, as a chief counsellor here in MindfulBear.
As a father to an amazing daughter myself, I know first hand how hard the parenting journey can be. If the child is not listening, it is very easy for us as parents to point fingers at our children.
Now...Let’s clear this misunderstanding.
Your child’s bad behaviour is normal…Why? Because they are merely reacting to a learned negative belief.
You see, the formative years of a child are full of new experiences. And each experience brings with it a belief that is "yet to be formed".
Each time the child encounters the same experience, this belief will either reinforce or weaken. Like a see-saw, swinging from one side to the other, gradually forming the child’s belief.
Over time, the belief is formed.
Their evaluation is complete. Once formed, a belief rarely changes.
From this point on, this belief will dictate the child’s behaviour whenever they encounter any similar experiences.
So...if this belief is positive, the child's behaviours will be good. If this belief is negative, their corresponding behaviours will be bad.
That’s how our minds work. Experience leads to belief, and belief dictates behaviours. Good belief, good behaviour. Bad belief, bad behaviour.
Let’s look at a few examples...
Case One
7-year-old boy who gets aggressive at home with siblings and relative.
Experience: Name-calling and bullying by classmates in school.
Belief: Being mean, aggressive and calling names is okay.
Behaviour: Gets physical when he is upset with others. Pinch, push, throws things and shout at others.
Case Two
10-year-old boy always on the phone playing mobile games.
Experience: Poor social interaction in school, CCA and tuition centre. Lonely.
Belief: Using my phone is safe and more predictable that social interaction with others.
Behaviour: Extremely quiet and shy. Avoids interaction. Don’t want to go out. No interest in studies.
Case Three
12-year-old girl who cut herself on the wrist.
Experience: Classmates passing negative comments about her weight in class.
Belief: I am ugly. No one will love me.
Behaviour: Not eating. Cutting herself. Stays in her room all the time. Refuse to engage in any kind of activities.
How to change bad behaviour?
By changing BELIEF. If you could only liberate your child from these learned negative belief inside their minds, then you could achieve long term change for your child.
Change the BELIEF, change the behaviour.
Replace bad ones with good ones. Swap negative ones with positive ones. That’s how we induce change and make it stick.
How We Instil Good Belief?
At MindfulBear our innovative 4A method identifies your child's learned negative belief and replaced them with positive ones.
We do so through a combination of play therapy, motivational interviewing, CBT and mindfulness.
Our 4A method consists of 4 keys phases with the goal of each phase achieving long term breakthrough for your child.
Our Secret Sauce: The 4A Method
Stage 1: Awareness
Like shining a light through a dark room, this is where we identify your child’s learnt negative belief. This helps you understand why your child does what they do. This helps us formulate an action plan designed to help your child move towards long term desirable change.
Stage 2: Activation
We kick-starts the change process with motivational interviewing and replacement technique. We gradually chip away their harden existing belief making room for positive ones. Inducing your child to take their first step of positive change.
Stage 3: Adjustment
We review and iterate the best approach for your child. The human mind is complex, there is no one-size-fit-all solution. We have a map to get your child to the destination, but base on feedback, it is subjected to change. We iterate, we customise, we find the shortest path to steer your child towards long term change.
Stage 4: Advancement
Success. You can visibly see changes in your child. Now we need to make it long term, permanent and sticky. Here we guide your child to internalise the achievement they had accomplished. We arm them with life skills, teaching them how to deal with lifestyle stressors when they happen so they never go back again.
NOTE!
We specialise in “Naughty Kids”. Dealing with the root cause. This is not just a temporary band-aid, a short term solution. So this is not a quick fix, a magical pill. If you are looking for one, we are not the one.
We liberate negative belief, instilling long term changes in your child so you never have to deal with it again...EVER.
[LINK] Book your 30 mins trial session now at only S$70. [/LINK]
What others say...
Long term change is possible. We had done it countless times. Many parents had walked through our doors feeling happy about their child's progress. Kids had walked through our doors feeling better, well behaved, motivated, happier and active for the life ahead of them.
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[LINK] Questions? Chat Now (Opens WhatsApp) [/Link]
On the first visit...
We start the discovery process for your child.
Right in the first session, you will get a glimpse of why your child do what they do. Like a detective, and a few choices questions, we slowly peel away the layers of your child.
Uncovering the problems they are facing, the struggles they are silently experiencing. A side that is causing all their social, emotional and or behavioural pains.
To the untrained eye, this side is easy to miss. But we have been doing this for a long time now, seeing these patterns again and again.
Yes, every child is different, every problem is unique. But the patterns, the behavioural patterns are the same.
This is where we start for every child, AWARENESS of their underlying issues, a glimpse of why a child do what they do.
[LINK] Questions? Chat Now (Opens WhatsApp) [/Link]
FAQ
All 1st session is 90 minutes long. Your child will run through a series of test to screen for common issues. By the end of the first session, you will get a glimpse of why your child do what they do.
Weekdays (Mon - Fri): $288
Weekends (Sat - Sun): $333
All subsequent sessions are 60 minutes long.
Weekdays (Mon - Fri): $160
Weekends (Sat - Sun): $185
Sessions with Mr Chua, Chief Therapist, is $220 weekdays and $245 weekends.
Rest assured. All our therapist has years of therapy experience. They are also vetted and trained with our 4A Counselling Approach.
Most parents seek help because they feel stuck. Stuck in rectifying their child's disruptive behaviour.
They have tried multiple ways to steer their child in the right direction, but nothing seems to work.
The parenting journey is an interesting one. If you have tried everything already, why not give this a chance too? Multiple parents had walked through our doors, seeing positive change in their child’s academic, emotion and behavioural wellbeing.
The parent-child relationship is attached with our own bias and belief. Influenced by our past experience on thorny subjects such as internet addiction, lack of motivation to study or anger issues. This personal bias and belief are unfavourable for effective communication to happen; a prerequisite for effective change.
Done in a safe environment, without any bias or judgement. The counsellor is trained to listen, pick up concerns, assess and guide your child through a process of change to help resolve his/her issues and problems.
At MindfulBear, we guide each child through our proven 4A method for effective change.
No. This is a common misconception. No medical record will be made on your child.
In fact, nobody will know if your child comes for counselling. A professional code of ethics guides our counsellors in matters of privacy and confidentiality.
Any information gained in counselling sessions will not be disclosed outside our centre unless you, give us written permission to do so, the counsellor determines that your child is in immediate danger, or the counsellor is ordered by a court of law to do so.
Children often think they are going to therapy because they are bad.
It is important to approach your child so he/she does not feel stigmatise or responsible for any dysfunction in the family. Your approach should be one of collaboration, on how both of you can work together to solve the current issue. Therapy is just a way to solve this issue.
You can say something like, “You know how hard it is to [the issue you are facing]? Mummy/Daddy need more ideas on how to help you, so we met someone who helps children and families, and we think you'll really like them too. Plus, these visits are special because you can talk about anything! Even us and it stays private.” You can also suggest a trial session, if he/she does not like it, they could stop anytime.
Remember, how you say is more important than what you say. Your approach should be one of collaboration.
Yes you can.
The therapist will be able to indirectly help your child through you for the moment.
Some parents want to “check out” what a counselling session involved before bring their child down. They may have a couple of questions to ask the therapist privately before committing.
Other parents may have difficulty bringing their child down. Whatever your reasons may be, it is always a good to take active action, to head down by yourself first.
Ask the therapist any questions you may have regarding your child. When your child is ready, you could always bring your child down later.
On the first appointment, here’s what you can expect:
First, you will have a private conversation with the therapist to understand your goals for your child. Next, the therapist will speak to your child privately, to understand your child’s goals and motivations. Finally, both you and your child will join the session together.
It is normal to be anxious, so the session is meant to be relaxing. Like a group of close friends having a casual but important conversion.
The first session is for us to identify key issues and the goals for your child.
The therapist will ask you a series of questions. So feel free to be honest. We actively encourage it. Everything you say is private and confidential. We are bound by a code of professional ethics.
At the end of the first session, the therapist will advise a preliminary action plan and the next step required to reach these goals.
It is important to know that therapy is a process that takes time to reap the full benefit. Give your child the space they need. Let your child work at their own pace.
When it comes to matters of the mind and heart, there is no one size fit all treatments.
The frequency and numbers of session your child needs depend on you, your child, the counsellor's assessment and your concerns. On your first meeting, you, your child and the counsellor will discuss your goals for counselling and the number of sessions needed to achieve these goals.
It is important to keep in mind that counselling is a therapeutic process that takes time to reap full benefits. We do not limit the number of counselling session that your child can assess too.
No. We only specialise in providing psychological help to children and teens between 5 to 16 years old.
We are located at 2 Kallang Avenue, #11-17, CT Hub, 339407, Singapore
All sessions are by appointment only. You are highly encouraged to book early to secure a session.
Walk-ins will not be entertained to be fair for everyone.
No problem...we are here to help.
We can help...
We want to be part of your parenting journey. You are taking a bold first step, so it’s normal to be anxious.
Relax.
The session is meant to be relaxing. Feel free to laugh, to smile, to be honest... we actively encourage it. Think of it as a group of close friends having a casual but important conversion about your child.
[LINK] Questions? Chat Now (Opens WhatsApp) [/Link]
*NOTE: If there are no open slots, please only try again after a few days.